Ducky

10:46 pm: I've done it again!
So many things have happened the past month it's been crazy. But hopefully it will finally come to an end. I hate all this stupid drama. Anyways,Today has sucked because I woke up and was dizzy, and I have been all fucking day and I just want it to go away. Hopefully it will be gone by tomorrow. Well, pretty soon Jake, Sarah, Steve, and I will be moving. I'm not gonna say where some people just arn't allowed to know. Those who we want to know have already been told. To everyone else fuck you. We aren't telling you because we want to get away from you. Well, me and Jake are getting married in June. June 6th to be exact. I can't wait. Well, that's all for now. Laterz.

08:20 pm: proposal
yep thats right jake and i are engageded! :-)

10:01 pm: wounded heart
yeah so nothing new has happpened well it has... but it's just like whatever... I don't really care anymore... just heartache thats all that seems to be in my life right now... but yeah.. just shit has happened that i just dont want to talk about.. i got my belly button peirced yayness!

04:39 pm: rip off the wings of a butterfly.
I really don't think anyone reads this... I don't even know why I have one of these things.. I can't wait till HIM's new cd comes out... it makes me excited... in my pants lol haha... ummm yeah anyways... I'm bored... i've been a baker today I have baked brownies and blueberry muffins..... I would have baked a cake but we don't have any icing so that would have been kinda pointless if you ask me. But yeah... i'm just sitting here being bored.... nothing to do... no one to hang out with... no gas to go anywhere..just being bored me.. like usual... we didn't go to my sisters like we had planned which isn't a complete bummer because i didn't want to go anyway... it just would have given me something to do... so I don't really care.. maybe the best thing for me right now is to just sit here... and stare at this comouter screen.... I felt so depressed last night.. i'm kinda feeling it right now too... but it's not as bad as it was last night... but yeah... i don't know why I feel like this... it's just blah ... well I guess that's all for now.. just giving a little update not like anyone reads this and cares anyway... alterz.

04:45 pm: ARG!
ok well now that there have been some anonymous comments on here that have officially pissed me off I have changed this so that friends only can view it. so anyways that's all I have to say.

12:17 am: Party?!
well, hello.... Well, I had some fun over the past couple day. Monday I hung out with Sarah... and Jake...we all went to some party and stuff after fireworks .. but the party was kind of boring it was just like 6 people getting drunk but I didn't really know them... it was funny though. but it was fun because I hadn't hung out with Sarah in a long time. We all stayed the night at her house. We didn't get to her house until 5:30 in the morning and then me and Jake stayed up till about 7:30 just talking and crap. but then I was woken up by a bunch of phone calls. I only got about 3 and a half hours of sleep. I was woken up at 11. Jake got to sleep until 1:30. Then we had to take him home. then I went home. Then later on tuesday i went to Jakes and stayed over there till 11:30pm. I was scared to drive home though because it was really dark and rainy and it was storming... I was scared. But I got home and called Jake to let him and his mom know that I got home safely and then i ended up talking to Jake until 2 in the morning and then sometime around there I fell asleep while on the phone with him. That made me feel bad and shit. well then I woke up at about 12 this morning and went out to town with Lisa at about 1 and then came home around 5 and then did some stuff around the house and then went to the movies at 6:30 and saw war of the worlds that's an interesting movie. and yeah... it's just been kinda busy. but yeah i don't feel like typing anymore. no one reads this anyways... laterz.

01:01 am: Wake me up when september ends!
Hello, I'm just sitting here listening to music trying to feel a little better. All I have done today is lay in bed sleeping. I havn't been feeling too good today. I am hoping that it's just allergies. I just know I woke up this morning feeling like shit. I was stiff and I could barely move. So yeah. I've been dosing up on some tylenol to help me feel a little better. I think it is just allergies... Why do i feel that no one reads this. No one ever leaves me comments and shit.. so Why do i have one of these if no one reads it... i guess it's a way to talk about stuff that I can't talk about in my xanga because I don't want other people to see it. But still it would be nice to get some comments on this thing. If you know what I mean. My cousin came home this weekend and he got me the GreenDay cd that I have been wanting. I think it's kind of funny because I almost bought the cd yesterday when I was at the mall but decided not to. It's a good thing I didn't. lol.. but I have been wanting it for a while and the thing is, is that me and Nicki split the money to buy the cd and she just basically claims it as hers... she still has my three days grace cd ... and she better give it back... and if there is one scratch on it the bitch is buying me a new one. I hate it when the bitch doesn't take care of my shit. but yeah. I should probably get that back tomorrow. I miss that cd. anyways. I'm gonna redye my hair once I get the hair dye to do it. I was thinking about just letting my natural hair color grow out but I changed my mind... I hate being blonde I want to keep my change... it makes me happy. But yeah. I found a picture of me and Jake and Rae in 9th grade english today. I found it on my window sill. Jenn took the pic in 9th grade.. but the sun kind of bleached it a bit so the picture is kinda hard to see. But I guess that is ok. ahhh Jake. I love him so much. he's the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm serious about that too. He seems to always be on my mind. i can never stop thinking about him. He's just such a sweetheart. It's great because my whole family pretty much likes him except for my grandparents. They thing it's wrong that he has peircings but they don't know him. He's really a good and sweet and awesome person. They judge too much. Damn I hate people that are so freaking judgemental on people and how they look. ugh they piss me off. Anyways. Well, I think i'm done.. i think I have made this long enough. lol. laterz.

05:15 pm: Excitement!
Well, the past couple days have been fun. Yesterday was a blast. It was basically a party over here. My dad got some crabs and stuff and Jake and Emily came over to eat some and hang out with me. Then later we all went out to Carls to get some ice cream. It was fun. I have decided not to be so scared about losing Jake anymore. He told me not to be so scared. We had an intersting conversation last night on AIM. I asked him what the most attractive thing was about me and he said my eyes and my answer to him was the same. Then I decided to ask him what was the least attractive and he said how easily scared I am by things. Which he has a really good point. It's like I'm scared of everything. And little things at that. He asked me the same question and I it took me a while to think of an answer but the answer was how he always pics at his scabs lol. He just kind of laughed. I took new pics of myself. Jake is in like 3 of them. They are some pretty good pics. I put all of my good pics on Photobucket.com my name is Ducky_05. So look at my album. I went to town today and got a new belt because I really needed one, and I got a new pair of shoes. They are pink and black DC's. My mom was mad at me though because I wouldn't lend her the money to get the damn lamp shades that she wants. I mean I would if I actually thought she was going to pay me back. So yeah. I'm a bit drugged up right now. My mom gave me one of her pain pills and they make me all relaxed and tired and i love this feeling lol. Well, that's all for now. Laterz. oh wait... guess what... today might be the last day of restriction for me.. YAY! ok really now that's all... laterz.

10:02 pm: Scared Obsession?
Well, I finally got my cell phone and my computer back. I am still grounded though. But hopefully only for the rest of this weel. Why am I grounded you ask? Well, lets just say that I got into a lot of trouble and I'm lucky I didn't get the cops called on me. What I really mean to type in here right now are some of my feelings. Jake, yes I know I talk about him a lot. Hence the name of this entry. I don't know why, but I have been getting so scared of my feelings for him lately. I love him so much. Then I see these pics of him and Ariel that Ariel puts on her my space and stuff and it really bothers me. I hate that. I hate seeing them two together. When I see pictures of them two together I just get so jelous and I don't know why. I get scared that he's going to leave me and I don't want that. I need some advice here and some comfort or something. He's read that I'm scared of losing him and he said that he is giving me his vow that he's not going to leave me. I just don't want him to do that... a vow is worse than a promise. You can't break vows that's like a sin, but... I don't know why I still think he's going to leave me even though he gave me his vow. What is wrong with me? Why can't I just believe all this? *cries* I'm so scared. I feel I am really getting in too deep with this. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but it's like I can't stop it. Just give me something here. Should I believe all this and try harder not to let this get to me? I just don't know what to do or think. Help me.

01:44 pm: STUPID WHORES!
Well, last night was fun and disappointing at the same time. Me, Jake, and my friend Andy all went to the movies to go see the movie Batman Begins cuz Andy had 3 tickets to go see it and invited us... well during the movie Jake kept getting a phone call. so afterwards Jake checked his messages and it was Ryan saying that she needed to ask Jake a question... well Jake was like " I have a feeling I know what the question is going to be" and I was like "What's that?" and he said " it's not that hard to figure out" and I was like "well just tell me anyways I'm clueless" well he started saying "well you know that her anc Charlei wanted me to go to the movies with them and trevor well, Ryan said that most likely her and trevor will be making out and that Charlei would be all over me" and i looked at him and i was like " Oh hell no I think that that ugly ass bitch lays one hand on you I'm kicking her ugly ass" and Jake was like "Exactly" well apparently Charlei and Ryan have this little thing going... and crap... but It's hard to explain... I just know that if one of them lays a hand on Jake or if something happens I'm blaming them and both their asses are mine. I'm not taking this shit from them... I will kick there ass... That's all that stupid little bitch has been trying to do all year is break people up.. Steven and laura, Kevin and Ashley, and now me and Jake.stupid whores these days. well, im gonna see if i can go over to Jakes now... so laterz.

01:09 am: BORDUM!
Yeah I'm bored. I'm sitting here hanging out with Jenn. Yeah.. things are good I guess.. nothing new has happened...umm.. yeah. *burp* uhh... I went out to town today.. with Lisa Sarah and Alethia. It was fun i think Alethia likes me now. She didn't cry around me... and when i got out of the car to leave she cried. It made me sad. but happy at the same time cuz she doesn't hate me anymore.... umm I don't know what else to say... I have a neck full of hickies... that jake put on me.. such a lovely thing.. they are starting to look like a disease. it's kinda gross... anyways.. umm.. i want to get drunk...well I think thats all i'm gonna right for now. Laterz.

11:58 am: Bordum
Hello...Sorry it's been a while since i have updated. This one is hard to keep up with. I don't know why. It just is. Anyways, it's really boring because everyone is taking exams and I am exempt. I don't have any exams at all. I have all A's In my classes. Anyways. Blahness. So I'm just kinda over here being bored sitting on the computers doing nothing... blahness... again. I'm hungry. Anyways, if you are wondering about how me and Jake are doing we are still doing great. Nothing is interferring with our relationship and I like it this way. I love him. It was funny because Andy and I were sitting at the computers yesterday in 2nd block and I was looking at Jakes myspace and it has a pic of him and ariel on there together that ariel put as a comment and said that she missed him and I'm just sitting there like *grrrrrrr* the whole time. I get so jelous of her at some times but I know Jake doesn't want her I think it's just because i know or have a feeling that she still wants him... and I feel she will try shit or something but I don't know. we have been going out for 6 and a half months... that's crazy it's my longest relationship and his too... it makes me happy.. *looks at his pic* damn i love him. well, that's all for now. I will try and keep you updated a little more... laterz.

01:38 pm: CHUCKYCHEESE!
Yeah whats new? nothing... went to Chucky Cheese with Alethia lisa sarah and Jake yesterday and that was fun.... and that's it... well i just got in trouble for being on here so I better go.. laterz... damn wolowicz

01:55 pm: SENIOR TRIP!
WOO HOO! FLORIDA..we leave tonight... i can't wait this is going to be so much fun... my dad told me that he was going to give me 150 dollars and I had to bring him a nice hat back lol ... i mean i should spensd it all on myself but Im not going to... i will be nice... anyways.. i mean it is his money after all ... well yeah... i dyed my hair.. I like it... it looks pretty... most people are saying that it looks better than my original hair color which is blonde... but anyways... chips is a loser... hahahaha ... he's not looking... all the more reason for me to leave this in here... hahah.... well anyways that's all...laterz ohohoh guess what.... you better represent bizzatch

01:17 pm: Are we there yet?
Well,... only a couple weeks until the senior trip... It's gonna be great. Hopefully me and Jake will be on the same bus. that would be awesome... it would be me Lisa Rae Nikki Trevor chris matt and Jake. awesomeness. anyways I made my own t-shirt today.....it's awesome... it says ducky...then it has a pic of a flaming duck and underneth it it says Don't @#%^ with this Duck... haha it's great... if I was allowed to I would have put fuck on it but... then my teacher wouldn't have printed it out for me... anyways... I'm hopefully gonna go look for a prom dress today... I saw one that I liked online lets juse hope that they have it at the store... it's pretty it's black and pink and it has 2 bows on it.. it's pretty.. and it's strapless... anyways... it's awesome... i'm gonna see if I can get my hair done for prom too. anyways.. blah.... Man I can't believe I'm graduating this year... it's crazy... I'm gonna miss everyone... This year has gone by so fast... it's amazing... last year with all my friends :-( then we will all go our seperate ways.... I'm sure most of them i will lose touch with.. but hopefully not.. that's never good. I love my friends... they are awesome... I will especially miss Lisa.. I already do sicne I'm not allowed to see her because my mom is gay.. she is queer like the goat.. but anyways.. well that's all for now.. laterz.

12:51 pm: School... Blah
Well, spring break is officially.. OVER! blah... anyways ... Spring break was fun... i went to Jakes house over the weekend.. Saturday night I stayed the night... that was interesting and lots of fun lol haha... anyways yeah lets just say that my chest looks like there are 3 smooshed strawberries on me lol well, anyways.. we have like 3 more weeks until we go to Florida.... woo hoo... I'm sitting here by Misha and he just showed me a picture of the pope screaming into a microphone and the pic says are you ready to rock... that's crazy... anyways.. blah.... I'm bored.... I don't want to be here... the only reason I'm here is to see him... I loves him so much. But for some reason I am scared that I'm going to hurt him... like not any time soon... but still.... I mean I love him and I honestly just want to be with him for the rest of my life.... but I'm just so scared that something is going to happen and I will hurt him or something.... I don't know why I am so scared of it... I just am.. but I shouldn't worry i'm not gonna fuck this relationship up like I have with the other... he had a dream just recently and he said i broke up with him and wouldn't tell him why and he was in his room alone looking at my pictures reading my letters listening to the song forever by kiss and crying and that he didn't like it at all..and I just told him that I wouldn't break up with him and if I did I would tell him why and It would have to be one damn good reason.... I wouldn't break up with him and i'm not going to... I love him way too damn much.. but anyways I guess this is the end of my post I'm gonna stop chatting about him cuz that seems like I ever do.. but can you blame me.. I love him a lot.. anyways... laterzness.

06:58 pm: Doody!
The only thing on my mind is him.

Just to fill you in on some things... I finished my community service yesterday. HOORAY for me. um me and Jake have been going out for 4 months now. I'm very surprised. i love him so much and I'm so happy with him. He's awesome....well actually I wouldn't know that yet. lol. but yeah. I love the feeling I have when i'm with him. It's just like everything else goes away. there's no more pain, anger, or anything. It's just me and him and our love and stuff... wow that sounds really cheesey.anyways.. well that's all.. i will try to update this thing a lot more. laterz.

01:09 pm: DOODY!
well... umm nothing has happened and that's pretty much it. It's just been boring. Blah.. so yeah.. i'm sitting here in Government.... doing nothing because I'm done with all of my work... and yeah well i think i'm gonna go now bye.

02:39 pm: I'm Excited!
Hello. What's going on with everyone... Sorry I havn't wrote in this in a little bit... nothing really has happened. Me and Jake are going on 3 months. It will be 3 months on the 24th... which is Thursday.YAY! I'm happy. I loves him lots and lots. YAY! so yeah... that's pretty much all that is new with me. Laterz.

01:32 pm: lost!
hello, This weekend has been going ok i guess. Things could have been better. Last night was fun. I went to jakes. Today sux though. I was supposed to go to shooters but my parents wont let me because we have a lot of things to do. Bleh. Poo on them. That's all I have to say is poo on them. Tomorrow is v-day. i will finally be able to see what Jake got me. I feel bad though cuz i didn't get him anything mostly cuz i didn't have the money and i couldn't tell my parents that i wanted to get jake something so i needed money they would be like hell no what are you thinking so yeah. it makes me feel bad. But I cant do anything about it. Well, i think I'm gonna go now. laterz.